Epiphany

Yesterday evening, the Downtown Neighborhood Association (DNA) had its quarterly meeting and social. Since I’m a member of the DNA and had nothing going on, I went to the meeting. Moreover, the meeting was held at the new Gateway Market (www.gatewaymarket.com) that’s due to open on April 17th. I’ve been reading quite a lot about this new grocery store and was curious to see what it looks like from the inside. In a sense, I got to kill two birds with one stone.

The meeting itself went fine although I was a little unhappy because it started twenty minutes late. I expect meetings to start and end on time – it has a lot to do with growing up in an army household! Looks like there’s going to be quite a lot of development taking place downtown in the next couple of months. I like that since it’s in my neighborhood.

After the meeting, we were served some food prepared by George Formaro who is the owner of South Union Bakery and also one of the partners for the new Gateway Market. George also is the owner/chef at “Centro” – a New York Style restaurant a block and a half from where I live. While nibbling on the food, I got to talk to the general manager, assistant manager and also the person in charge of ordering wine for the new market. One can’t help but be excited for what’s to come at the market. They told me that feedback so far has been extremely positive and a lot of people can’t wait for it to officially open. I signed up to attend the soft opening. That should be pretty interesting.

So, what does all of this have to do with my epiphany? Well, after I got back to my apartment yesterday evening, I started thinking how I just do not like socializing especially with people I do not know. I feel as if I’m forced to start or be part of small talk that just don’t mean anything to me. I read somewhere that almost seventy percent of the population are extroverts (highly sociable) and the rest at introverts. I definitely belong to the latter group. Dad for example is an extrovert in every sense of the word – he thrives being around people and that just invigorates him. I, on the other hand am so much more content being alone. I read a good article by Ester Buchholz entitled “The Call of Solitude” about the notion of being alone and loneliness. The crux of the article says that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being alone and it is society’s (extroverts’) notion that says something is out of whack.

While at the meeting, most people knew one another and were chatting away while I on the other hand was “gasping” for air so as to not stick out like a sore finger. Some people would call it shyness but I beg to differ. I just saw it more as wanting to hear the latest developments taking place downtown and really could not care less about all the different small talks that were going on. For some reason, the fact that I was not involved in any small talk bugged the heck out of me. That’s where the epiphany came about. I should just learn to accept the fact that I, an introvert will always find it uncomfortable in most social settings. There’s not point in trying to become who I am not and be unhappy. So, it’s pointless for me to be involved in more groups (tempting as it may sound) because it does nothing but stress me out. At the end of the day, it’s much easier said than done. I guess that’s why there’s such a small group of close friends who will call and check up on me to make sure I’m OK since they’ve not heard from me. Few people truly understand how much effort it takes on my part to convince myself to get involved in something or to be sociable. That’s the reason why it’s so much more comforting and relaxing to connect with people on a one-on-one basis in a small intimate setting.

I guess I’ve read enough about my personality to know about it, but I needed this epiphany for it to really make sense and I’m glad it did. So, don’t think I’m crazy when I spend time ALONE in the library or a bookstore or go to the movies by myself. It’s something that I love doing and will continue doing. No extrovert will convince me or can tell me I’m weird because I’m not and I know I’m not. I just belong to a minority group of people who are content being alone and we’re not going anywhere!